Types of Spearfishers

A CLASSIFICATION OF SPEARFISHERS

Allow me to offer for your judgment a tongue-in-cheek classification of spearfishers as I see them. So, not in order of importance, just as they came to mind:

"The Newbie"
- a beginner spearfisher (hereinafter - spearo), who gleefully buys up all the underwater gear that crafty shop clerks push on him and greedily soaks up any information about spearfishing like a sponge. On the water he can easily be identified from several kilometres away by the telltale wake of his fins and the loud snorting and wheezing into his snorkel.

"The Theorist"
- a superb storyteller, connoisseur of all the finer points of spearfishing, a major expert in underwater gear, analyst, sensei, guru, superstar of spearfishing. He has flooded the entire Internet with the ultimate truths about hunting that once and for all popped into his head. Once a year he goes out to a nearby body of water, shoots at and misses some stray baby pike, and for the rest of the year tells various versions of his encounter with an underwater monster and the hundred reasons that kept him from bagging it. (Author's note: to a large extent I count myself among this type of hunter.

"The Butcher"
- these guys, as a rule, don't show up online and keep to a solitary, secretive way of life. Their gear lacks any elegance whatsoever, but it's rational, well-tuned, reliable and hard-hitting. If he takes less than a hundred kilos of fish in a hunt, this type considers the time wasted, and coming home from a hunt "empty" often triggers a fit of severe depression that turns into groundless rage. The beauty of the underwater world, the pleasure of the hunt itself and other such nonsense interest him about as much as ballet slippers interest a hare.

"The Romantic" or "The Contemplator"
- most often these are either spearos who are already sick of handing out fish to relatives and friends, or, on the contrary, those who have given up hope of shooting anything at all. They've learned to efficiently work their pleasure centre with a minimum expenditure of nervous and physical energy, and they make use of this to one unreasonable degree or another. A fairly large share of this category acquires various technical gadgets such as photo and video cameras, housings and lighting equipment, so as to share their delights with land dwellers.

"The Night Owls"
Spearos busy with various useful things during the day, forced to get into the water when all normal people are in the arms of Morpheus. Over time the brains and eyes of these spearos change so peculiarly that their very rare outings for a daytime hunt bring on nothing but migraine attacks.

"The Athletes"
The meaning of life for these spearos is rankings, points, prizes and all the other accessories that come with spearfishing competitions. Like everyone involved in sport, they have a heightened sense of ambition. Occasionally, in the rare gaps between competitions and training, they condescend to plain hunting, during which, out of habit, they drive themselves to complete exhaustion searching for and taking fish.

"The Locals"
Spearfishers living out in the backwoods, who have studied every nearby puddle inside and out, often quite elderly and burdened with family concerns. Although their gear can make any "civilised" hunter who has invited himself to visit a "local" for some fun in the remote local El Dorados pass out at the sight of it, all the near and distant relatives of these "locals" never lack fish on the table. Unselfish, pure souls, who can be driven over the edge only by the sight of their beloved water completely fished out by "athletes" who happened to drop by..

Well, and so on, the list can of course be continued.. Please take this classification with the same degree of irony, trolling and mockery with which I put it together..